A Day at the Hospital

This room is bare except for a hospital bed against one wall, and a table
literally dripping with various restraints. There’s nice, soft padded white
leather cuffs, adjustable for wrists, elbows, ankles, or even thighs.
Several long straps of soft white leather are there, as well as a large
padded leather blindfold. In case you resist, there’s a bottle of ether and a
rag to knock you out. Hanging on the wall is a step-in straitjacket, made
of very smooth, supple yet strong white leather. The front is a smooth
expanse of soft leather, but the back is bristling with straps and buckles.
You’d never get the straitjacket on by yourself, and you’d certainly NEVER
get it off!

The straitjacket looks very inviting. To feel the full effect, you remove
your clothes. You slip into the leg holes and pull it up around your hips.
You tighten the straps in the back so that the leather squeezes your hips
tightly. Then you slide your arms into the supple leather. Sure enough, the
smooth material feels tremendous against your skin. Next, you slip your arms
into the long leather sleeves. Then, with a lot of squirming and twisting,
you succeed in fastening the many buckles behind your back, pulling the
leather tightly around your torso and making you prisoner in its soft but
firm embrace. Now for the hard part: how do you get your arms buckled behind
your back?

You cross your arms in front of you, trying to imagine what it would be like
to be imprisoned in the supple leather. Suddenly, the straps are pulled
behind you. You try to see who is behind you, but all you see is glimpses of
brunette hair and a beautiful face. Meanwhile, she is tugging at the straps
at the end of the soft leather sleeves. Your arms, imprisoned in the smooth,
strong material, are pulled slowly, inexorably across your chest as the
straps get tighter and tighter. You twist and squirm in the bondage, but any
slack you create is immediately taken up by your sweet captor, and the supple
leather prison is tighter than ever.

Your mysterious captor seems to be an expert in securing someone in a
straitjacket. She’s sure doing a great job of restraining you in the soft
clinging folds of the self-embracing bondage. The smooth, supple leather
holds your arms gently but firmly. Your hands are securely embracing your
waist, the tight leather straps completing the encirclement. As you struggle
against the enveloping sleeves, your sweet captor is tightening the buckles
behind your back. Soon the leather straitjacket is skin-tight, relentlessly
squeezing your entire upper body.

You’re soon sitting on the bed, your sweet captor working on your legs. She’s
a gorgeous brunette, wearing a sexy nurse’s outfit, revealing long, sexy
legs. And are nurse’s uniforms supposed to be made of shimmering white satin?
The wide leather cuffs are wrapped tightly around your ankles and snapped
shut with an ominous click. The sexy Satin Nurse tugs at the bindings and
when she is satisfied that they are securely locked and escape-proof, she
looks at you, smiles and winks, as if to say, ‘There, you wanted to be bound
in the strait jacket, and now you are!’ Then she leaves you to struggle in
your tight leather prison.

Hospital restraints are designed to be comfortable, because once the patient
is strapped into them there’s NO WAY to get out. As you struggle and squirm
in the tight leather, you realise the truth of this. Even if the Nurse in
Slippery Satin hadn’t done such a great job of ensuring there was absolutely
no slack in any of the buckles, you could still never escape the firm embrace
of the soft, smooth leather. Escape artists constantly get out of
straitjackets. But this one’s no ordinary hospital restraint: it’s skin-
tight, secure, and designed so that once the straps are tightened and firmly
buckled, the prisoner is helpless. Your leather-encased arms embrace your own
waist so tightly that you couldn’t work them up over your head even if the
satin nurse hadn’t threaded the straps though the ring at your waist. You
know she did, though, because every tug on the straps pulls the soft leather
tighter around your genitals.

Damn that clever Bondage Nurse and her slippery-satin uniform! Damn her sweet
smile that said ‘You wanted to be helplessly bound in the leather; I just
gave you a hand making your wish come true!’ She didn’t have to be so damned
efficient at it; you just wanted to see what it was like. She must have
specialised in bondage and restraints; she sure did a good job on you.
You lie on the bed, occasionally squirming in your tight leather prison. Some
time later, the sexy Bondage Nurse returns, the shiny satin shimmering
sensually as she approaches you. The shiny material flows over her sexy
curves like liquid honey. She sits on the bed and idly runs her hand over the
supple leather restraints.

‘Well, I see my little prisoner has discovered that he can’t get out of my
special strait jacket, hasn’t he?’ You try once more to escape the relentless
embrace of the tight leather, and once more discover the utter futility of
trying to get free. The straitjacket is perfectly constructed, and flawlessly
applied; there’s no way out!

She bends over so that her gorgeous face is close to yours. You smell her
sensual perfume, and catch a glimpse of firm, round breasts under the shiny
fabric. ‘You see, it’s crazy to WANT to be bound. And you know what we do with crazy people, don’t you? We RESTRAIN them, so that they can’t get loose and hurt themselves. I had this straitjacket specially designed for people like you: there’s absolutely no way out! ‘I know just how helpless you feel. I had to be sure that it was completely secure; it is possible to escape the ordinary ones. So, I had myself strapped into this leather one, so I could ensure that there’s no way out. So I spend some time just like you: buckled tightly into the leather straitjacket and struggling helplessly. After several hours of ineffective struggling, I gave up. I’m convinced that it’s totally escape-proof. You can struggle all you like and convince yourself, but believe me, it’s hopeless!’

‘You enjoy being bound and helpless, don’t you? I do, too, and I’m somewhat
of an expert in escaping. In case you didn’t notice, I’m also an expert in
applying my restraints. That’s why I know that there’s absolutely NO WAY to
get out of that straitjacket. I outdid myself in designing it, didn’t I? Tell
you what: If you can get loose, you can strap me into it and I’ll see if I
can get out!’

With a real goal in mind, you struggle desperately, pitting all your strength
against the relentless grip of the leather. How you would love to encase that
lovely body in the supple leather!
The Bondage Nurse laughs as you fight the smooth and supple leather
* She knows who will win that battle!

‘Well, my helpless little prisoner, I’d love to watch you try to escape from
my leather bondage, but I have other things to do. Just to give you some
incentive, though, I’ll show you this!’ She rises, unzips her shimmering
uniform, and lets the silky satin slide off her body to the floor. Her body
is nude under the soft satin and your erection doubles as you gaze at the
perfection of every curve. She tosses the satin over your legs, and strolls
out the door.
As the hours pass, you drift off to sleep, and dream of silky skin inside
relentless leather.
The morning dawns, and finds you still captive in the Bondage Nurse’s tight
escape-proof leather. It’s really quite comfortable. After all, it’s designed
so that once the victim is strapped inside, he (or she!) is trapped and
helpless, often for days at a time. The thought frightens you: how long will
the Bondage Nurse keep you her leather prisoner?
She soon returns, this time encased in a smooth white leather uniform that
hugs every sensuous curve. The softly shining material seems to be the same
as the firm white leather holding you within its clinging folds.
Again she sits on the bed next to you, crossing her long, sexy legs so that
the soft leather pulls tightly around her thighs.
‘Did our helpless little patient have a good sleep? I see I’m in no danger of
trading places with you: my special straitjacket is as escape-proof as when I
had it on. Care for some breakfast?’
You sit up, leather bound and totally helpless, as she feeds you cereal and
milk. You decide that there is nothing more degrading than being so totally
helpless that someone has to feed you.
You plead with the nurse in leather to let you loose. ‘You mean you no longer
want to be helplessly bound in leather? That means you’re no longer crazy! I
guess my special escape-proof straitjacket cured you. You’re sure you want me
to free you from it’s embrace?’
You assure her that you’ve had quite enough of the leather straitjacket’s
unrelenting grip. She unlocks the leather cuffs surrounding your ankles, then
sets about unbuckling the dozens of straps at the back of the straitjacket,
which have held you prisoner. As she works, the soft white leather of her
uniform sensually outlines every curve of her body. Finally the leather is
loose, and you slide out of the restraint. The bottle of ether and rag is
still on the table, and within reach. As the nurse carefully folds her
special straitjacket, you take the bottle, and pour some ether onto the rag.
You slip behind the nurse, and place the rag over her mouth and nose.
The Nurse’s initial gasp of surprise should have done it. However, she still
struggles desperately, her firm, leather-clad body writhing within your grasp
as the ether slowly takes effect. You have all you can do to restrain the
amazon in leather as you try to keep the rag against her mouth. She pulls at
the rag with both hands as you try to keep one arm around her narrow waist.
Gradually you feel her body relaxing, and finally she’s collapsed and
unconscious, her warm, soft, leather-covered body heavy in your arms. You’re
so aroused by the struggle that you can hardly contain yourself!
You place her carefully on the bed, and unzip the tight leather dress. The
soft, supple material slides easily off her nude body. The white leather
drapes heavily over your arm, still smelling of leather and female musk.
You give in to temptation, and slip the leather up your legs and onto your
naked body. Unlike most leather garments, this one has no satin lining: the
inside is soft, smooth latex rubber. It fits snugly around your hips
even before you zip it up, and the tight leather grips your thighs all the
way down past your knees. How did she walk in this? One thing’s for sure,
though: if the smooth, supple leather has the same effect on her as it
does on you, she’s incredibly horny all the time!

You slide the leather straitjacket up the nurse’s silky smooth legs and over
her soft, round ass. Next, you place her silken ankles in the leather cuffs
at the foot of the bed, and lock them securely. She’ll not get off the
bed now!

Her warm, soft body is limp against yours as you do up the buckles at the
back of the straitjacket. Soon the leather is tightly embracing her gorgeous
torso, the supple material flowing over every sensual curve. The
leather is so tight that her nipples are visible through the smooth leather.
She begins to arouse as you cross her arms in front and pull the straps tight
behind her. She starts to realise what has happened as you tug the last trap
tight, encasing her in her special, escape-proof leather straitjacket.
When the nurse realises that you have placed her in the very leather that
held you prisoner, she starts to struggle in the restraints. She’s very good.
First she tries to pull her captive arms over her jutting breasts, but you
made sure that the strap was threaded though the ring at her back. She tugs
hard at the straps, trying to create some slack, but you buckled the strap as
tight as it would go, and the leather doesn’t give an inch.

Watching the sexy nurse struggle within the leather restraints that had held
you so helpless for hours is a very arousing spectacle, and you run your
hands over the smooth, tight leather of her dress that now clings to your
body. Her moans indicate that she’s enjoying the relentless leather bondage
as much as you did!

Suddenly, as you’re watching the leather-bound nurse try to escape from her
special straitjacket, the ether rag is placed over your mouth. The room
spins, then fades…

You awaken to the smell of leather and female sweat. You open your eyes, and
the nurse’s gorgeous face is inches from yours. Leather cuffs grip your
ankles, and seem to be attached to her ankles at the foot of the bed.
You’re both tightly strapped into leather straitjackets. Your arms are
wrapped around her waist and hers around yours. Leather straps connect the
sleeves, pulling your bodies tightly together. You can feel her warmth
through the two layers of soft leather between your body and hers.
‘A FINE mess you’ve gotten us into. There’s no way out of this:
I’ve been trying for hours. I can’t get at the buckles, and the straps pull
our arms so tight around our bodies that I can hardly breathe! I might be
able to slide out if my waist wasn’t so small and my breasts so big. Can
you try?’

You struggle against the tight leather, but you soon realise that she’s
right: there’s no way out of this double bondage. Not that you’d want to
escape: her heaving, leather-clad breasts rubbing against you as she writhes
within your arms, her hot breath caressing your face…
The struggling of the leather-bound goddess in your arms becomes more and
more sexual. ‘I guess we’re tuck like this until the Doctor decides we’re
sane. And remember, it’s crazy to enjoy being in bondage…”

When hitting rock bottom isn’t enough…

Hitting bottom is that proverbial thing we always here of in relation to being able to get back on the top of things. But what happens when you climb back up without having hit bottom first? Does it ever take? Does it ever truly let you turn things around for the better? Lately I’m starting to think that continuously falling and hitting and getting right back on the top of your game isn’t really all that good of a thing. My life has changed a lot in the last few years. I started my own company 2 years ago and I have recently lost a large amount of weight. Both have been two huge positive steps in my life. The only problem is that I think I’ve even been fooling myself as to just how positive they are. Firs off, let me say without hesitation, leaving my last company to start my own game and choosing to have weight loss surgery have been probably the two biggest things I’ve taken the initiative to do in my life. And I would never, ever, change having done them when I did. They have both left me with things in my life that are some amazing traits that who know if I would have developed otherwise. But sadly it’s not the whole story. I started my own company, but I never really found any customers. For two years now I’ve had to OUTSTANDING parents that have supported me pretty much unconditionally while I am finding myself or doing whatever the heck this is. I look at things to do and keep resumes and such out there. But I have so far been content with this little facade I have created about being successful on my own. I’ve always been raised to believe that you don’t settle for anything and you fight to keep true to who you think you are. Perhaps they problem… I think I’m a lot of who I am not. Who I am right now is a 35-year-old kid essentially whose parents still are buying him all the toys he ever wanted. Just a couple of years ago I was paying for all the toys myself, paying for the amazing house, the fishing trips, the shooting trips etc… But when I decided to strike it out on my own, I kept letting my parents float that bill instead of changing my lifestyle.

Why does any of this matter? And why is it something I’d let me friends know after keeping it nicely masked for so long? Why have I spent so many years painting a picture that takes away from every single bad trait I have to replace them with things that so many others don’t have in the “status quo”? We’ve already figured out that I spend too much money. TO the point of excess. I’ve had some jobs over the years that I’ve made really good money. And you know… I’ve spent every single dime of it. On myself no less. Yep toys toys toys out the wazoo. I’m a fly fisherman… rods and reels and gear that I could never use all of it. I’m a big shooting and gun fanatic… a stockpile of weapons practically that has got to have me on some watch list by now if they’re smart. I’m a musician… bass guitars, guitars, a drum set that would make Neal Peart smile. I inherited my father’s addiction to cars… so that’s averaged out to about a new car every other year in my adult life. Plus motorcycles and even two cars when one style wasn’t enough for a while. My Mom and Dad have paid for it all. Sure I had money for most of these things when I first did them. But now, two years later without a steady income and they’re still footing the bill. All of my spending habits have stemmed from things my parents did while I was growing up. But I’ll be damned if I haven’t taken every one of them to excess. I just never saw the lesson. I never had self-control behind it. Whatever was the cause of my spending problems was clearly behind my eating problems over the years. Hungry…eat everything you can until your tummy feels like it’s goanna pop and that must mean it’s time to stop eating. Need a snack before going to bed… how about down to McDonald’s for a couple of burgers and orders of fries. Snack while watching the big game… whole bag of chips surely isn’t out of the question. It’s all excess. It’s all GOOD lessons I’ve learned from people over the years about feeling good and not denying yourself happiness. But I’ve taken those lessons and gone so far past what they were meant to teach that they’ve gone in the opposite direction. People that have tried to get close to me over the years, including I think my parents, I’ve essentially come to the conclusion that I’ve thrown away a lot of it because it just was easier to do my own thing, buy my own toys, eat by myself so no one would comment, etc… Being able to look at it now, with some clarity (ironically clarity doesn’t always garner a solution) I am able to see I’ve shit one lot of people just because I could. I’ve always taken great pride in knowing that I’m a good person at heart and I don’t mistreat or belittle people. But wow, how have I been convincing myself of this without throwing my parents into that equation?

So why risk telling you all of this? Why go to the extreme of alienating myself once again just for the sake of getting a clean conscious? I’ve met some good, really good people since I’ve had my weight loss surgery. People that have taught me what it’s like to have friends and not just acquaintances. People that remind me how good I have it just by being who they are and letting me see what’s around me. Yeah, I can sit here and say the obvious that it’s not fair to lie to them any more. But honestly, I think the right answer, and the one I have a feeling they’d support, is that it’s not fair to lie to myself any more. How much of this have I done just to avoid working on ANY single problems in my life? I used to think people were tired of hearing me complain about things so it seems logical that I just kept painting a picture that I even believed that there wasn’t anything to complain about. I’m fed up with it now. I’ve lost 134 pounds in 6 months. It was easy… too easy. WAY TOO EASY. I’m now no longer the fat person who can blame all his problems on weight and image any more. I’ve lost that excuse. Even worse, any excuse I do come up with for behaviors lately is even starting to sound silly to myself.

I’ve got 4 exception friends right now in my life. The kind of friends I’ve never had before. People I grew up with treated be poorly… beyond what anyone should have to endure when it comes to bullying. The occasional friend I would get here and there I let do absolutely anything to me and put up with anything that I never got a spine in dealing with anyone I care about. I was arguing with a friend last night about a medical question. I was more worried about her not being unhappy with my viewpoint than I was with the potential problem itself. I’ve got a friend I’m in love with. She and I hit it off from day one and she supports me without even ever talking about weight and image, etc… But I’m scared as hell to think about what happens if it ever gets not easy. We’ve connected and it just works in the relationship we have on here that’s separated by thousands of miles across the world. So there again…easy. Yet I can’t build friendships with the people right in front of me. I do love this girl… so why do I not let myself make friendships that are below that? It’s the excess again… has to be all or nothing. I don’t want to be an idiot any more and just go through life carefree. When I tell someone that being carefree all the time is a problem, I’d like to seem like I least act in a way to back that up. I don’t wan to spend, I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to isolate. Part of that is clearly letting those 4 friends know my whole story and not just the one I’ve painted. Sure, there might not be a lot of differences from who they see and who I am other than a back story and a financial backer… but that’s pretty damn deceptive even if it’s just those two. So Cheryl, Summer, Denise, and most of all Julie… I really hope you understand what I’m trying to do here as far as coming clean and needing to be 100% of who I am in order to help myself possibly hit rock bottom just in an effort to genuinely get to the top again. The same goes for my Mom and Dad. I don’t expect them to change about how they approach things, but I’ll be damned if I would be stupid enough to sit here and say I could do every bit of this without the 4 of you and my parents who are still a big part of my life. I hope you all understand. And I hope you all see that I just need to get to the bottom of what is something I’ve always pointed fingers at the weight having caused the issue.

Doc_Etonox

Something to Remind You…

So those that know me well know that I can pretty much come up with theme music for any part of life.  I am such a music freak and my tastes are from one to extreme or another when it comes to favorites.  One of those songs recently that caught my attention was off of Staind’s self-titled new album.  It’s called “Something to Remind You”.  It was just one of those songs that gets under your skin in a good self-reflective way and really touches the heart and soul… thought I’d share the lyrics here.

So this is it
I say goodbye
To this chapter of my everchanging life
These mistakes
The path is long
And I’m sure I’ll answer for them when I’m gone

When the day comes in
And the Sun won’t touch my face
Tell the ones who cared enough
That I finally left this place

It’s been so cold
Look at my face
All the stories it will tell I can’t erase
The road is long
Just one more song
A little something to remind you when I’m gone
When I’m gone

The road to Hell
Along the way
Is paved with good intentions so they say
And some believe

That no good deed
That go unpunished in the end or so it seems

When the day comes in
And the Sun won’t touch my face
Tell the ones who cared enough
That I finally left this place

It’s been so cold
Look at my face
All the stories it will tell I can’t erase
The road is long
Just one more song
A little something to remind you when I’m gone
When I’m gone

So this is it
I say goodbye
To this chapter of my everchanging life
These mistakes
The path was long
And I’m sure I’ll answer for them when I’m gone
When I’m gone

Attention Deficit Disorder in Adults

I just got home from seeing my therapist this a little while ago.  As any of you who’ve made that visit can relate to I’m now sitting here reflecting on things we talked about, etc….  I’ve been seeing her for a couple of months now and it feels like we’re finally getting into the deep, through-provoking, details and not just the casual questions and answers that I assume they use to get to know you and get a baseline.  We started talking about how some of my problems we’re working, along with past history, really are starting to indicate the presence of ADHD.  I kind of chuckled at first because the only key word that rang out to me was the hyperactivity part.  If you know me, you’d know I’m not the stereotypical hyperactive person.  So I asked more… It was interesting to know that the first thing that was stressed to me was that not everyone presents with the typical hyperactivity trait. Even more so, the hyperactivity can be in the mind and not necessarily in the physical actions. I was not really sure what to say as I hadn’t gone to see her thinking I’d get any kind of diagnosis or anything like that, but just had been going because I wanted some help working through some things in my life. Things related to my weight and personal motivations, etc…

The drive home was uneventful, but unbelievably long for the 15 minutes it takes. My mind really started questioning just what all of this was about. The only thing I was identifying with when I heard ADD was that the phrase “attention deficit” fits sooooo well. But, what exactly did that mean? Like so many of us do these days the first thing I did when I got home was sit at the computer and start looking up ADD and ADHD on the good ol’ goggle machine. I found tons and tons of information, though most of it related to ADD and ADHD in children. But some of the pages I came across where very detailed in all of the different traits with someone who has ADD or ADHD. As expected with anything where you are somewhat self-diagnosing while reading, I was able to pick out many of those traits that really fit me to a T. But again, it left me really pondering what does it all mean?

I started looking into some books to download and found one that did an amazing job at taking those traits, and using stories from ADD and ADHD patients to explain why they can be such enormous problems for someone who has gone through life without being treated for their ADD or ADHD. It felt good, it felt comfortable to be able to identify with something and be able to see certain things adding up to numbers that were making sense. But it left me thinking about what it means going forward… it seems like something that very little understand what exactly it means or does to the mind. I am afraid people will hear it and think it’s just an excuse for laziness or lack of focus and not see all of the things that are there. It’s something I really want to talk to others about, yet it’s not something that I want to be dropped as a subject if I bring it up. My closest friend right now is also going through some major life changes and is really hperfocused on herself right now so I know she couldn’t handle being able to discuss it. So what about the rest of you, who’s out there that shares this with me? Who’s out there that would like to genuinely discuss it and what you do to help your daily life?

Medical Tables

To a lot of us in the medical fetish world, and even the BDSM world in general, there is a great appreciation for medical tables for oh so many reasons. I think the medical appeal to the medical fetishist is obvious. To the average kinkster, bondage fan, etc… I think they offer a way to get a patient or sub restrained in a way that can be incredibly restrictive and comfortable for extended periods of time. I’m not sure how many of you have ever done much with long-term restraint but for me it’s something that’s only feasibly if I, as the patient, am comfortable otherwise it’s a losing battle. I’ve gotten together some of my favorite medical tables and wanted to share why I think they would be perfect. As always I am looking for some great feedback from all of my friends and readers.

    This has always been one of my favorites. The fact that it has the large basin and drain attached means it is perfect for those of us interested in enemas and douching. It’s got an adjustable back which I feel is essential for finding the right spot for the patient to be reclined as though they’re not putting too much pressure on any one area of the body. The stirrups I have always felt help the long-term restraint by taking pressure off of the lower back and, when positioned properly, letting all pressure be taken off of the hips and muscles of the hips. That’s just an opinion though and I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts on the pros and cons of stirrups. As for the arm boards… ultimate mobility with some heavy, heavy restraint options. You simple put the patient where everything feels comfortable to them, lock it down, and they are now stuck in that position that they chose.

My next pick is one that I think handles the patient comfort aspect in a little different direction. With a table like this there are so many choices of positioning. When the patient begins to tire they are able to be adjusted and moved so many different ways that it can be done without ever letting the patient out of the restraints. And mobility would only be granted at the doctor or nurses push of a button on the remote control.

I’ve often thought that birthing chairs must be the ultimate in comfort. They seem to be so adjustable. The fact that when a birthing mother is placed in the chair, she could be there for a long period of time leads me to believe that they must be padded very well. Again, the knee crutches here are one of the key aspects.

If the patient isn’t going to need to be in a laying down position and is simple going to spend a long time in restraints I’ve always thought a dental chair could serve that purpose. We all know how adjustable they are from our own dental experiences. And let’s face it… once they adjust the headrest properly it can be pretty damn comfortable. I’m undecided on if it needs straps or chain-based restraints like in this photo. I could see how the chains would allow the patient to have a little more flexibility yet still being heavily restrained. Since immobility is more difficult as stiffness sets into the muscles and joints then a system like this may give the patient just enough movement to help prolong the experience.

And last but not least you need a good way to transport your patient to and from the patient’s room to the surgical and treatment facilitates. The best way to handle that is with a good standard gurney. They’ve got attachment points all over for nice heavy leather restraints, they usually have sides that can be raised and lower… and when they’re raised they do give a nice “cage effect” when you’re lying flat on them. Restraints are key here and I do feel they should be leather, nylon, etc… as total immobilization must be the goal. Keeping the patient unable to thrash about is all about safety as they’ll be moving through the facility typically while being on the gurney.

Surgical weight loss… a journey AND a destination.

Life’s a journey and not a destination. We’ve all heard that so many times that it’s become a bit clichéd. But when you think about it, isn’t it really both? I mean for different people, different perspectives, and different opinions… it means something a little different for everyone. Since I’ve thrown out that little conundrum I’d like to bring up another one… one that seems to be a controversial topic for a lot of people out there. Surgical weight loss is something we’ve all heard of even if we’re not overweight. Chances are we know someone or have a friend of a friend that knows someone who has gone through something like gastric-bypass, banding, and others. It’s not really those that I want to discuss here but the overall surgery itself. It’s a polarizing topic and I am trying to understand why.

I started my weight loss journey within the last few months. I’ve been grossly overweight all of my life and, like most, I’ve tried things here and there to lose weight. To most it’s a black and white issue. If you’re overweight then stop eating so much and exercise. Well, the reality of it is that those people are right. The harsh reality of it is that those people are also wrong and that’s one reason I think this ends up being such a polarizing topic both in the obese and non-obese communities. Broken down to its simplest form one can easily say that if you are overweight that means you eat too much and you have to eat less. From a physiological standpoint that’s logical and it makes sense to everything we know about maintaining a healthy weight. For those that don’t fall into the morbidly obese category or haven’t developed any comorbidities it may be as simple as that. But for some of us it’s not the food that’s the problem and it’s not the lack of exercise. It’s the lifestyle that’s the problem. It’s learned behavior that we’ve dealt with for years and it’s become habit. No, it’s not an excuse… it’s just a reason, a theory, a starting point, etc… Ultimately every single one of us who are overweight the dissenters are correct that WE have to do something about the problem. We’re the only ones that can decide it’s the right time to go down that road. There is not a single solution out there that should be taken callously though as each person’s decision making is a little different and they have to find a method that works both for and with them. To those of you who want to say it’s just eating less and exercising more… this is where I have a major problem with you.

I’ve chosen to lose weight and modify my lifestyle to be able to make healthy choices and keep them healthy. Why is that not enough for some of you? Setting the wheels in motion you’d think would be enough. What I have found is that there is an almost cult-like feeling that taking the surgical route is making it too easy, is the simple way out, is giving up doing it on your own. Well, if you think that then chances are that’s as far as your opinion goes… it must be so easy for someone to volunteer to lay down and get their fat taken out and the next day they’re magically slim. Think I am saying that a little too drastically? Perhaps… but it’s how you react to me and my fellow companions who have made this choice. What you are not seeing is the amount of time that goes into such an undertaking both before and after the surgery. Yes, the inside of my body may be going to be physically altered to change the way I digest and absorb food but that’s not the end of it. Really it’s about mentally changing the way I approach food and so many other things in my life to make sure that I “cooperate” with the surgical changes they’re going to make to my body. In the simplest form it’s going to be a journey that lasts months and months and months. But in reality, if it’s going to work 100%, it’s something that’s going to last for the rest of my life.

So for those of you who question why I would do this to myself or those of you who think it’s the easy way out why not stop and talk to me or any number of us out there who are going through the process, have been through it, or who even just familiar with the topic. I think you’ll see something that you’re not aware of and I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. Overweight people who choose to genuinely do something about their weight problem, from the simple of portion control or counting calories all the way up to surgical intervention, are good people and we’re something on the inside that you may never see until you look past the outside. So go ahead, let me prove to you how right I am.

Just how detailed of a scene or session do you prefer?

One thing I’ve been talking about with several people lately is the idea of a scene versus the proverbial “living the lifestyle”.  It got me thinking about how we all approach this a little bit differently based on so many different factors.  I know there are many out there who prefer a quick play now and then while there are some of us that prefer to be immersed in it as much as humanly possible.  So my question to all of you is how do you live out your med play?  Do you favor just the short exam here and there, or is the exam just a tiny portion of a huge picture you’ve painted for yourself in the medical world?  I’m curious to hear everyone’s thoughts, gripes, comments, etc… as I have a feeling there are no two answers out there that are the same.

Health insurance is only as good as what it will actually cover…

I usually limit my blogs and posts to funny things or quirky things or just comments and photos in general that just are meant to poke a sleeping bear and spark some conversation.  I’m going to take a little different approach for this post and do a little ranting.  For those of you that know me very well I’ve been researching and contemplating weight loss surgery off and on for a good 5 years now.  I’ve recently started down the path of moving forward and getting the ball rolling.  It’s not an easy path, or a fun one, or even one that lets you feel any kind of emotional relief anywhere before or soon after any surgery.  But it’s one that has to be done for who are in my category of morbid obesity.

The biggest hurdle I thought would be just the mental barrier of making that first step and getting things going.  Little did I know it was going to be the health insurance that I carry.  I have a policy that was offered by my previous employer.  Like anyone else my costs went up while I was in that plan, services went down, and interaction with the provider got more and more different.  I had looked into what my coverage was for weight-related issues in general last week and found that pretty much everything is excluded, specifically weight loss surgery.  Funny thing is I bet they’ll cover stuff like Viagra and certain cosmetic procedures.  I didn’t let that stop me too much since it was just a cursory quick check with the insurance and I hadn’t even been to talk to the surgical group that would be doing the surgery yet.  I figured when I went to meet with them for the first time I’d get the specifics on how to request that kind of coverage, who to ask for, etc….

I attended one of the small seminars the surgical practice offers to familiarize potential patients with the specifics of the various procedures as well as all of the things you need to take care of for the benefit of the insurance providers.  I even was approached by the administrator of the practice that traditionally they have difficulties with United Healthcare.  I took this into account today when I sat down to call my insurance provider again.  This time I was armed with billing and diagnosis codes as well as knowing to ask for a specific case manager and not just the first representative that answers the phone.  I dialed the number, again pleased by how fast I got through to someone.  After doing the typical song and dance to verify who I am I get right to the point.  Knowing they said they don’t cover it wasn’t really deterring me perhaps the way it should have.  I felt somewhat optimistic that, having armed myself with the right information and the right procedure, I’d get somewhere.  Well, in short… I GOT NOWHERE.

So where does that leave all of this?  Well, no farther along than where I started I suppose.  I can’t even comprehend going on such an epic journey without the support of friends and family and especially those people that I’ve been faithfully paying bills to for several years now.  But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m here, with no one interested in even knowing what this is all about or discussing it, and with an insurance provider that won’t pay the bills.  Not even part of them!  So, pay with cash perhaps?  I’m sure that’s a possibility but I can’t even begin to imagine what kind of questions that brings up or what kind of unforeseen situations it might breed.

Thanks for listening to my rant.  It’s rare that I ask for someone to understand how something makes me feel but generally I feel like why bother if no one asks ahead of time.  Comment if you will.

Wow what a week!

In my blogging over the years I’ve used it as a chance to rant and rave, make funny comments about people and politics and just to have fun and share my thoughts in general with anyone who randomly stumbles across my blog. For once though I’m going to change the tone and get a little serious… okay not like put on your tinfoil hats and head underground serious, but just pointing out what has been a pretty good week for a lot of different reasons.

A big part of the highlight of the week was meeting someone new. And no this isn’t one of those she’s the girl of my dreams and I love her dearly (she could be, but that’s something you’ll have to wait for a future blog), etc… But it is a realistic look at someone who, just through friendship and simple respect has helped me take some positive steps this week. Do I think of her as one of those potential people that anything and everything in life could happen with? Of course I do… one look at her coupled with a few minutes of talking to her and just about anyone would quickly understand how amazing and beautiful she is. But that’s not what I want to focus on in this blog… She and I had crossed paths about a month ago on Fetlife. For those of you who don’t use FetLife it’s just a nice web service where likeminded fetish-oriented people go to share interests and stories and photos and the like… almost like a Facebook but not as “instant content” oriented. She had commented on a few photos of mine and we did exchange some comments back and forth and sadly that’s where it was left for a few weeks. At the time I was dealing with some medical issues with my father and it left me drifting away from people for little bit just as an effort to try and relax and concentrate on what was happening.

Fast forward to this week when I am browsing through Felife and I come across a post that my she had made dealing with weight loss, specifically bariatric surgery. Those of you who know me well know this is something I have been talking about roughly since 2004 when my family doctor at the time first suggested it to me. Ok, all of a sudden I had a reason to do more than just explain pleasantries with her and not worry about what might have been lost in not getting back to her for the few weeks while I was avoiding the net. We talked, a lot. And kept talking… a lot. And sure it was a lot about weight and surgery and such, but it was also just about all of the casual stuff we all talk about when getting to know someone new. I don’t want to cut the details short, but they’re really irrelevant for this discussion. But she connected with me in a way that finally kicked me in the butt and said to me to go ahead and start the whole weight loss process. Stop fooling around with putting it off and trendy diets and self-loathing. Make those phone calls.

To make the story short, it took someone who could talk about all of this in a simple black and white view of things to make me want to do it. It took someone believing in me taking those first steps… and maybe even the fact that she was a relative stranger who was exuding confidence in me so fast really kicked me in the butt. The point is, for everything we procrastinate with, there’s got to be something out there that can make us just change our minds sometimes. No, there will be other blogs forthcoming as far as how truly beautiful and amazing this girl is and how she and I share so many fetish interests in common, etc… But this isn’t one of those, this is just a story of how physical beauty lures you in and then internal beauty takes over and completes the whole picture. When and if that happens for any of you, make sure you tell the person that helped you thanks. They know what they’ve done, but damn, it makes it feel great to let them know. So all I can say baby is thank you sooooooooooooooo much. No matter where we take this friendship from this day forward, you may have already saved a life and made an impact on someone that is truly priceless.