Medfet's Weblog

Medical Fetish Fun and Fantasy

When Medical Fetish and Medical Reality Collide

So many of us that have such a deep interest in the medical world seem to have moments in their lives where the fetish and reality of medicine collide. For most of us maybe that’s the yearly trip to the doctor, or the semi-annual trip to the dentist. For others it’s something more involved and deep. The point is that I think we all go through moments where we have to draw a line between the two more than we normally would just to be able to navigate a difficult situation. This particular instance is happening with me today and involves a surgery my mother is undergoing at the moment.

Now, it’s a routine thing it seems like and the outcomes are expected to be great. But, you still have that generic fear of the unknown. She’s have a lumbar laminectomy, and I’m about 99% certain that I didn’t spell that correctly. Basically they are going to fix a very small amount of spinal stenosis in her spinal column that causes some constant pain in the back and hips and legs. From the clinician point-of-view it’s a 2 hour procedure, with 2 hours in the recovery room after, and then she’ll be admitted until the next day. After that she’s home and on “light duty” for about a month. She’s allowed to drive early next week and she’s allowed to navigate steps and such as soon as she feels comfortable enough to do so. Basically it’s one of those surgeries where everything post-op seems to be very calm and collected and simple to deal with.

The problem comes in when we all start to think about all of the pieces in medical fetish we hold near and dear to our hearts. As you imagine the anesthesia, the prep, the post-op, the recovery these are all things you tend to be familiar with in the research we’ve done and the information we share with others. So, the process itself isn’t daunting. It’s just that unknown fear of something in the back of your mind that makes your stomach all uncomfortable and your heart race with unknown stress. It’s at that moment when you see the beautiful nurse walking by in her blue scrubs and blue bouffant, neatly holding her long hair in place, that you have to remind yourself that you’re here for someone else and not just for your own “viewing pleasure” for lack of a better term.

I don’t want this blog to be a rant on being able to draw lines or even as one against the negative sides to the healthcare industry. Those of you who know me know that I spend a very big portion of my business life working in healthcare and see the good and bad sides. So if it was to be a rant about that, I could go on and on about all the things I think we could do to fix the system. Instead, I want to share this with you all as a journey to understand the inter working parts and pieces of the mind of someone like myself and how I draw the lines, etc… I, as always, would appreciate any possible feedback you could give.

The alarm starts ringing at 430 AM. I know I’ve got to get to my parent’s house by 6 to be able to get my mom to the hospital by 645. I assumed I would do my normal morning routine which consists of me hitting the snooze button 2 or 3 times so that I can gradually wake up over the next 30 minutes. Not today though, my mind is racing and my stomach feeling like there are things floating around in there. It quickly awakens me and I waste some time watching some cheesy movie on TV. I head into the bathroom as usual and take care of all of that… about 45 minutes later I’m in the car and headed down the road to my parent’s house. I am really not worried about anything specific that may happen to her. I am just worried about the situation in general. It’s more or less like some primal fear that humans have… being afraid of being afraid.

645 and we pull into the valet line at the hospital. Yes, valet parking… sooooooo handy when you own an enormous SUV that can have a hell of a time fitting into downtown Pittsburgh parking lots that weren’t built in the last 10-15 years. I will give this place credit that they do have the check-in process very streamlined. We head directly to the floor where they do all of the staging for ambulatory patients and within just a few moments we’re off to the waiting room. They call her name to head to the nurse’s station to get her room assignment for all of the pre-op. I’m told to check at the reception desk automatically in 15-20 minutes and they will send me back to see her. So far so good. I arrive in her room and am pleased to see that her surgeon’s assistant is already with her doing a preliminary exam before the surgery and asking all of those annoying medical questions. I swear they seem more like a social agenda than they do medically relevant. Was waiting for just one more person to ask her if she can get around on her own (she walked into the hospital) and who was taking her home since she was unaccompanied. That one was interesting since I was sitting there in the room and she had identified me as her son. But, alas, I agreed not to turn this into a rant.

Next thing we know they are sending someone in to do the next round of checks. Another nurse with another set of records and yet the same questions she’s been asked before. Now, I will rant just a tiny bit as this woman had absolutely ZERO patience for any humor and really no bedside manner at all. She didn’t identify herself, she didn’t say why she was asking all of the same questions again. The funny part begins when she starts going over the medication list. She’s reading the names off of her pretty white sheet in her nifty little organized binder that she’s got and I am starting to wonder if she’s even literate. My mom tells her, repeatedly, that everything she takes, other than one specific drug, is all taken in the evening at around 8 o’clock and that she DID take them all yesterday. Nope, didn’t matter, this woman kept asking and didn’t even pause when my mother and I were pointing out the absurdity. So, not taking done, god only knows what vault of endless paper it’s going into, and they literally run me out of the room to get her down to the OR. So yes, I was a little ticked off at that. This idiot probably was sitting at the desk eating her Splenda bulger wheat bran muffin (I’m guessing she seems so cold because she’s constipated) and drinking her triple venti, half-and-half, soy latte instead of making her morning rounds to get everyone checked in and moving. I definitely do not have patience for people that do not do their jobs at the speed and efficiency at which I feel I do my own.

It’s about 8 o’clock and I’ve worked my way back to the reception desk where they tell me what the procedure is. I need to be in their waiting room to make sure that I get the call from the doctor when he calls to say how the surgery went. Really? A call? A phone call? This jackass is cutting someone open and then doesn’t even have the decency to come talk to their family when he’s done? OK, no problem right? I’ve got my laptop and a book with me so I look in the waiting room… and yep, it’s filled, with all of the people that brought their extended families with them to wait for their particular family member. So why not head down to the cafeteria to get some coffee. They said I could do that within the first hour so hey, why not.

The world runs on Dunkin’ Doughnuts coffee. That’s what John Goodman tells us on their television and radio commercials. Well, if it runs on their coffee then I can say we have a world full of people out there who don’t know what coffee is. It was black, and it had a slight coffee flavor to it but, with the temperature that would be generated only by the big bang, it was less than appetizing. I pick up my book and start to read hoping to pass the time. Now, common sense will tell you that I am enjoying myself sitting there watching all of the lovely women in medical attire walking by. And that would be a correct assumption. Though, I am at that point where it feels just slightly odd as a positive feeling since I’m sitting here waiting for my mom (who’s clearly my best friend) in surgery.

I wrote this a few weeks ago and never got the chance to finish it. I decided not to finish it since then just because it would defeat the purpose of capturing the feeling at the time. I did just want to make the point though that a lot of the inexperienced folks out there think that medical fetish is as simple as “getting off” by visiting the doctor. That’s just not it at all… and I hope this blog helped some people see that we tend to draw a very clean line between the two.

September 24, 2009 - Posted by | Fetish, Life | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

3 Comments »

  1. How is your mother? Did she come through the surgery OK?

    Comment by Mistress Amber | October 1, 2009 | Reply

    • SHe’s doing great. Honestly within a day or so she was feeling so much better. Thank you for asking though… It means a lot to know those of you who read my blogs actually read them and respond back sometimes.

      Comment by Dr. | October 1, 2009 | Reply

  2. I enjoy this site, it is worth me coming back

    Comment by Kelli Garner | October 4, 2009 | Reply


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